You have a crush. It’s intense, crazy, and the other person is on your mind all the time. They are unique, amazing, intelligent, and stunningly attractive!
Then you hear, know, or find out that it is their birthday next week. Now a little voice is whispering in your ear – Should I get my crush a birthday gift?
If your crush is a total stranger to you, then no. Otherwise, there may be circumstances in which you might buy your crush a birthday gift.
Life is complicated, and there are many paths to follow. What’s right in one situation may be wrong in another, and this is your crush.
Because no one else in the whole world has ever felt like this, have they? That’s how it feels, doesn’t it?
First, what type of crush do you have?!
The Four Crush “Flavors”
All crushes are not the same. There are four distinct flavors of crush:
You meet someone – opposite or same-sex, and you love the way they look and act. There’s no romance involved. You don’t imagine making babies and buying a dog with them.
You do feel an intense desire to be with them, but it is a spiritual or friendly feeling. If you act on your crush feelings and build a relationship with them, you gain a trusted friend.
If you hang out with your vanilla crush, have done for six months or more, and you are in the habit of buying your friends’ birthday gifts, then go ahead and buy your crush a birthday gift.
You are giving the present because they are your friend and not because they are your crush.
A chocolate crush is a passing feeling of interest. You may be in a serious relationship, and you spot someone else and feel an intense physical attraction.
It’s biological, and most adults recognize the feeling of physical attraction and move on. Like chocolate in a shop window, you find that person is mouthwatering, but you know it is a passing feeling.
Often your conscious mind won’t acknowledge this feeling as a crush.
Unless you are in the habit of buying random strangers a gift, you won’t even think about buying your chocolate crush a birthday gift.
When you admire someone or envy their apparent lifestyle, you can develop crush-like feelings. Other names for this crush are hero worship and being star-struck.
You are a superfan of that person, you look up to them and are in awe of who you think they are. You may never be in the same room as this beautiful human being, but you have a fantasy of what it would be like if you belonged to their world.
You don’t buy your popping candy celebrity crush a birthday gift because you don’t have a relationship with them, and you know that you never will.
Strawberries and Champagne
This crush makes you feel that Cupid has been gunning for you because you feel like you are in LOVE in bold flashing lights LOVE. And you are – in a way.
When it comes to a romantic crush, you have the physical attraction. The vision of them as the ideal partner and your brain helpfully releases dopamine and oxytocin into your body, making your heart beat faster, and butterflies flutter in your tummy.
In their presence, you blush, flirt, and generally behave like a lovesick fool because you just can’t help it.
You are in love, you really are, but with your fantasy of who they are to you. It’s their birthday next week, do you buy them a birthday gift?
Well, that depends on other factors in your life.
When Do You Buy Your Crush a Birthday Gift?
When you are in the grip of a strawberries and champagne crush, you are not thinking straight. You can’t avoid it – Mother Nature has programmed you to feel crushes.
You can’t choose who you crush on – physical appearance, the way they smell, the sound of their laughter, your subconscious picks up the cues that this is a potential mate, and whams you with a crush, so you pay attention. It’s that basic!
You can be hit by a crush at any age – most frequently in adolescence and twenties, but you are never too old to experience a crush. As you gain experience and self-awareness, you can control how you react to being thumped in the chest with a crush.
When it comes to buying your current crush a birthday gift (or not) take a deep breath and go through a step by step process:
1. Do You Know This Person?
Is your crush in your life, or are they someone you hanker after who serves your morning coffee or sits in the next office?
If you don’t have their phone number and mix with them socially, you can assume that you don’t know this person in any meaningful way. If you don’t know them, don’t buy them a birthday gift.
At least not yet, not until you get to know them.
It’s different if you have regular contact. Especially if your crush is giving you signals that they like you. They could be a naturally friendly and open person, but if you think there could be something between you, and you want to pursue it, then a birthday gift is an option.
Think of it as dipping a toe in the water, pick something affordable and non-threatening – a potted plant or a small gourmet treat such as a birthday tea gift. You offer it as a token – because birthdays are special.
Keep it casual because if the reaction to the gift is lukewarm, it’s no big deal. If you get an enthusiastic response, you can look to build a relationship and see where it goes.
When the crush fades, you may find yourself with a friend or a romance.
2. How Long Have You Known Your Crush?
Here’s the funny thing about crushes; they don’t happen only between strangers. Your best friend’s brother/sister that you haven’t paid attention to before, or even your best friend.
A crush is a lot like falling in love, practically indistinguishable, so if a crush happens with someone you know, you are probably not going to describe it as a crush.
You are probably going to put your crush feelings down to recognizing your underlying love for this person you see through new eyes.
Moving on to the big question – are you going to buy this crush a birthday present? The answer to that depends on if you are currently buying them a birthday present.
If you are, then, of course, you will buy them a birthday present, you might just put a little more thought into it this year.
If you don’t already buy them a birthday gift, then move onto the next stage of answering that question – should I give my crush a birthday gift?
3. Where Do You Want This Crush to Go?
A crush lasts around four months, or longer if you feed it – a bit like a stray cat that wanders in and makes itself at home.
Some crushes are over a lot quicker, you get up close and personal with the object of your desire and find that they are not who you thought they were. And you don’t like the person they turn out to be.
A crush is your brain and body signaling that this person might be interesting for you to get to know as a potential baby-making partner. No more and no less than that.
It’s an invitation to start the courtship. But you don’t have to dance.
You have the choice – do you see where this attraction leads or starve your crush of attention and wait for it to pass? If you are opting to pass on the courtship opportunity, then don’t buy them a birthday gift and concentrate on crushing that crush.
Maybe you decide that you are going to approach your crush and see if you still like the person they are rather than your fantasy guy or gal. Now you can consider a token birthday gift – keep it light and avoid anything too personal.
The best approach is to offer to take them out for coffee as a birthday gift – the first date on a casual basis with no big expectations on either side.
4. Crushing the Crush
The most effective way of crushing a crush is to avoid the object of your crush and hang out with people you know well and like.
One of the most uncomfortable feelings of a crush is that obsessive thinking and fantasizing. If you have good reasons for not considering a relationship with your crush, then you need to break that potential stalker behavior.
Don’t hang out where they go and don’t follow them on social media. If you don’t feed the crush, it will fade.
5. If a Crush Feels Like Love, Isn’t It True Love?
A crush is a fantasy, a potential love, a signal, but it isn’t like the love that sustains a life together. Love is never blind; someone who loves you sees your flaws and loves you anyway.
A crush is blind because you aren’t seeing the person, just the idea of who you think they might be. Love may grow when you meet your crush and get to know them, but it will feel different.
Love has its roots in an emotional connection that you build together. A crush is one-sided. A crush is not love, but love is a possibility.
Birthday Gifts and the Crush
You don’t buy your crush a birthday gift because they are your crush.
You only spend on birthday gifts for people who fall into the friends, relatives, and significant other categories. Or to those people you want to move into the friend or romance zone.
It’s a simple rule, and it’s going to save you a lot of grief and embarrassment if you follow it. Buying a birthday gift for your crush is potentially harmful to you and them. Why is that?
A crush is one-sided. You have intense feelings of attraction, but the other person is unaware of your feelings. You are a stranger to your crush. A gift from a stranger could be alarming.
Everyone instinctively knows the rules of gift-giving and the underlying message. Your crush receives an unexpected personal present from you, a stranger – you possibly embarrass and frighten them.
Perhaps you were expecting that the birthday gift would get you noticed by your crush. It will, but probably not in a good way, and it is likely to put you in the dangerous stalker camp as far as your crush is concerned.
Your crush’s reaction to your gift is going to make you feel bad. Now both of you feel bad.
You can buy a crush a modest birthday gift, but only if there is some indication, they are warm to an approach from you. You keep it light and friendly to avoid embarrassment for either of you.
If in doubt, don’t, there will be another gift-giving opportunity in a few weeks or months if you still feel the same way.
Buy your friends and loved ones a birthday gift, but unless your crush is your best friend or somebody you already know pretty well, the answer to the question – Should I buy my crush a birthday gift? Is NO!